How to help your children cope up with your divorce

1) Invite conversation. The child needs to know that their feelings are important to their parents and that they will be taken seriously.

2) Help the children put their feelings into words. A child's behaviour can often clue the parents in to their feelings of sadness or anger. Parents must recognise this and say "It seems as if you're feeling sad right now. Do you know what's making you feel so sad?" And be a good listener and be honest.

3) Legitimise your child's feelings. Saying things like, 'No wonder you feel sad or I know it feels like the hurt may never go away, but it will,' let's the child know that their feelings are valid.

4) Don't bad mouth your spouse in front of your children, even if you are angry or feuding. This is very hard to do, but it makes the child feel even more in the middle. Children may feel 'if Mommy or Daddy are bad, and they are part of me, so I must be bad.' Children must discover the truth for themselves.

5) Do not use your children as messengers. A child should not feel that he or she must act as a messenger between hostile parents or carry one adults secrets or accusations about the other. Communication must take place directly between the parents regarding all issues.

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