Finding Your Potential Mate: Primal Parameters

When we want everything, we tend to digress and often miss out on some essential traits that a lover should have. Here’s a hot list to help you stay focused…

GREY MATTER, MATTERS

There are many kinds of intelligence – book smarts, street smarts, intuition, mechanical intelligence… You may feel more comfortable with an analytical person than with someone emotionally evolved. Few would want to date someone significantly less intelligent than themselves but remember that people with very high IQs may have considerable difficulty in social interaction.

CHARACTER CHARISMA

You mate’s tendencies should complement yours. If you are a strong decision-maker, you need an easygoing person to leave things up to you. Explore your personality preferences by analyzing the friends you like best – quiet and introspective or talkative and gregarious; intense or laidback; fiercely ambitious or calmly content.

WHAT’S WITH THE LOOK?

Most people are pretty sure what physical traits they want in a partner. But make sure that your dream date is your own creation, not one being hyped on hoardings! Don’t make physical requirements into ‘deal breakers’. You may prefer TDH men but refusing to date a great guy simply because he’s not TDH is silly; you may deprive yourself of a great relationship.

AMIABLE AMBITION

For a relationship to endure, both partners should have about the same level of ambition. If your partner doesn’t share your definitions of workaholism or laziness, there will be conflict. Gauge your ambition, and look for a partner who has a similar level.

CHEMICALLY CONNECTED

Chemistry is that overpowering, physical urge that draws two people together. Some people value chemistry immensely when making relationship decisions; others can create a successful relationship based on a logical decision about compatibility. Spend some time examining how important chemistry is to you.

CHARACTER CONCERN

A person’s character is the essence of his/her being. It reflects traits like honesty, courage, commitment – things that are absolutes when creating a relationship. The task here is not so much to decide what character traits are important, but to discern absolutely that your potential partner has a strong character and considers your values important.

CREATIVELY CHALLENGED?

Are you creative? If so, can you imagine spending your whole life with a person who is extremely analytical and doesn’t appreciate your unique viewpoint? And, if you aren’t creative, would you enjoy living with a creative person who falls short in other areas, such as streetsmarts? Think before you fall on your knees and propose!

NO CHILD’S PLAY

Plans about kids often get ignored early in the dating process, because every time you want to mention it, it seems too premature to do so. If you do want kids, try to determine what parenting skills your potential partner has. How does he/she act around nieces, nephews, young kids? Do you like it? And, if family life is of no interest to you, make that known too, to avoid any misunderstanding.

HOT TIP: Rank the traits discussed here in order of importance to you. It’s tough to meet someone who’s perfect for you in every category. But if you’ve ranked them, you’ll know the ones essential to you and the ones you are willing to compromise on.

One of the biggest reason marriages end in divorce is because couples fail to ask the big questions before they walk down the aisle.

If couples simply spent some time asking each other the questions that really matter, they’d greatly increase their chances of staying together.

The great thing about a “question book” is that it makes it easier to ask those difficult questions and encourages an environment to address them.

I highly recommend this book for everyone. NOT just couples who are thinking of getting married but also couples who just want to feel closer together, or people dating, who just want more things to talk about.

For all the details check out: 1000 Questions for Couples

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