Romance is sweeter than sex for women

Women are more aroused by ideas of romance and foreplay than by sex itself, according to a new study that reinforces age-old sexual stereotypes.

A Melbourne researcher has used soft and hardcore pornographic films to try to unearth exactly what is that turns women on. Jade Sheen, a psychologist at Deakin University enlisted 120 women aged between 18 and 45 to watch seven-minute snippets of American porn at their leisure. Half viewed male-oriented segments focusing primarily on sexual intercourse while the rest watched films which also had sensuality, romance and foreplay.

The results may come as no surprise, with an overwhelming number of women far more responsive to kissing and cuddling than the act of sex. "We suspected it and now it's clear - it's the romance, the sensuality that really does it for women," Sheen said. We already know men have a psychological response when they're aroused by genitalia and eroticism but for women, it's more emotional."

A second study required the same women to watch part of a soft porn film - one half as a spectator and the rest imagining themselves as one of the characters. Pehaps not surprisingly, she said, those asked to engage in the film found it far more arousing, more interesting and more entertaining. Sheen said this proved women really were sexual beings, they just need to make extra effort to get interested. "I've heard too many women say I'm just not a sexual person', the psychologist said. "You would wonder if perhaps, it's not that they're not sexual but that they haven't actually found what it is that turns them on."

She said her findings indicated women must put their minds to the task to get the rewards. "I know many women have reported: 'I was kind of thinking about the shopping list and I really wasn't that into it' and that's going to impact on their arousal," Sheen said. "If you want get the most out of it you actually have to try to be involved in the moment."

And there was a message for men too, with results showing females often had individual likes and dislikes. "Communicate with your partner, try different things," she said. Don't assume you already know what does it for them because I found out that a lot of women were surprised by the type of things they found arousing.

Matching mouths right mantra for long relationships

For those women who spend a fortune in the search for a perfect pout, there is good news and bad news.

Research has (unsurprisingly) confirmed that men are instantly attracted to luscious lips.

But while they would be happy to have a fling with the lady involved, they would probably not consider her marriage material. In fact, 88% of couples in long and happy relationships have lips of similar size - and men's tend to be on the thinner side.

If true, this bodies ill for the future together of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, for while she is famously well-endowed in the kissing department, his lips are slender by comparison.

The potents are good, however, for the recent marriage of footballer Ashley Cole and pop star Cheryl Tweedie, who are a near perfect match. The study was carried out by the University of Leicester on behalf of Blistex lip care products.

It found that 88% of happy couples has lips which mirrored one another's.

Women with fuller lips were 28% more likely to seen as a fun date than marriage material, while their thin-lipped rivals were 57% more likely to have long relationships.

The report took four celebrity couples and analysed whether or not their relationship will last the distance.

Charlotte Church and Gavin Henson were given a 9/10 chance of staying together. The verdict: "These two both have small to medium-sized mouths. Their lip shape indicates an interest in relationships and family, and a caring streak. Their matching mouths mean they are the perfect match and their love will stand the test of time if they settle down together."

Big Brother contestants Preston and Chantelle, however, who married last week, rated only 3/10, Verdict: "Whilst the pair have similar lip size and fullness, their mouth shapes are different. Chantelle's indicates that she is emotional and out-going, but perhaps self-centred - Preston's mouth shows refinement and elegance but appears hollow. We predict this combination may result in neediness or desperation on one side of the relationship that may be hard to overcome."

Cheryl and Ashley, by contrast, were given the full 10/10. "Cheryl's small mouth and full lips combined with Ashley's large mouth ans full lips is a passionate combination. Cheryl's lips show she is strongwilled and sensual, while Ashley's indicate an expressive and emotional man with expensive tastes. This pair's love will grow deeper over time."

Finally, football star Wayne Rooney and his girlfriend Coleen McLoughlin scored 5/10. "Wayne's small mouth and thin lips shoe he is independent and strongwilled, but guarded. Coleen's medium mouth and fuller lips indicate a sensitive soul with hidden strengths. Together this pairing will face many hurdles and communication could be a problem."

What is he lookin' for?

What exactly are men looking for? Here are those 5 traits that can make even a commitment-phobic think of wedding rings.

1) She has a life of her own and it's pretty good to boot. Ladies, this means that you take care of yourself, pay attention to your personal style and find time to hang with your fabulous friends and family. In other words, he is not your end all and be all.

2) She never makes the first move. Men actually believe that women should never, ever pursue a man. If the woman is always the one calling, she will never know if he is really interested in her or if it's just convenient for him. She may find herself questioning the relationship all the time.

3) She is sexy without being trampy. This means something different at the beginning of the relationship than it does down to the road. In the beginning of courtship, a woman should refrain from making any comments that are overtly sexual. She also flirts by using nonsexual touch.

4) She should be her boyfriend's best wingman - err, wing woman. Help him to look good in front of the boss. Laugh at his jokes and help him shine when it is important. Of course, again, he should do the same for you. And happy wedding!

Why do men avoid relationship talk?

Men are always ready or eager to do everything from ironing, washing up, nappy changing, chopping off a testicle with a sharp instrument. A man can find a million and one other things to do rather than sit down with his partner and (deep breath) talk about their relationship.

It's not because men don't care about their woman, it's just that the word 'relationship discussion' mean different things to men and women. Often a woman will just want a chat, which can also involve airing her thoughts and worries. However, a lot of men don't see a simple clearing the air discussion as a moan or an indication of un-happiness. He gets on the defensive, says everything she's saying is rubbish; she says, he's uncaring and doesn't understand her.

We've all been there, haven't we? so what's the answer? How can two grown-ups manage to have an adult conversation about their relationship? It's probably a good idea to first of all, recognise that your man sees the whole discussion process from a widely different viewpoint.

Before you sit down with him and begin talking, it might pay to explain that what you're about to say isn't a moan. If you're about to make some sort of criticism, pay him a compliment first or stress some of the great things about your relationship. During relationship discussions, men tend to look for logical answers to issues that are less than straightforward. Try explaining to him that you don't necessarily want quick fix responses from him if you do simply want to get something off your chest, tell him that. Ask him to just listen.