Young, well paid and friendless

When was the last time you told your buddy all? Or made a new friend who wasn't your colleague too? The answers most likely, will be 'can't remember'. For, as research tells us, friends and confidantes are now a species most rare...

Once you had friends with whom you shared everything. Then, you had colleagues who doubled up as your friends, for work left you with no time to meet friends. You shared all with them too... or almost. Maybe, sans the time you gossiped about them with other colleagues. Or when they got a promotion and you didn't. Then they were back to being colleagues. After that, you discovered the net, and it became your best friend. Only, a web profile is not the same thing as talking to a real person. And you can hardly call your net buddies at two in the morning afternoon you have drunk one too many, or after you found out your boyfriend was two-timing you. No, it just isn't the same. And no, you don't have the time to go out and make new friends.

If you thought this applied just to you, think again. People worldwide are facing the same problem. And now, sociologists also have data to back it up. According to research carried out at the Duke University in North Carolina, if 20 years ago there were 3.5 buddies to whom you could bare your heart, now the average is down to 2. And a quarter of those who were studied had nobody to call friends. And the loneliest are the 20-something men.

This news hardly comes as a surprise to Nicolas Corbin, a BPO exec. "But I always thought I was lonely because my job was such. How many of my college friends will party at 12 in the morning? So, I end up watching movies alone and hanging out with colleagues I barely like. I have no problem spending time alone, but it took me a few months to realise that it was all I had."

What happened to the new-age tenet that friends are the new family? Sociologist Marie Dotson explains, "People move for work or are too busy with their schedules to cultivate new relationships or work on the old. Internet and semi-detached colleagues have taken the place of friends and it takes a long time before it even registers that they have lost their friends. But in the long run, the loss of confidantes is sorely felt."

And the youngsters are well aware of it too. "There are always people at work with whom you can spend time. But you know the real crunch situations demand only friends. There is nobody I can say everything to, there just isn't," this form a 29-year-old successful banker!

According to GenX, trust is what their present batch of friends cannot earn. "I am the kind of person who talks and talks, but of late, I find myself doing that without really sharing anything. If I am with colleagues, I discuss office. If I am with my girlfriends, we discuss marriage. But take away these few topics, and there is nothing," rues Carrie White, a media professional. The friends, they just aren't there!