Love on the Rebound

Falling in love with the person who helps you get over a break up is easy, but it might not be a smart thing to do

You don't need love at any other time as much as you do when you've just lost it. It's easy to get into a relationship on the rebound, when you're broken hearted and vulnerable after a break up. And it's even easier to get into it with the person who's been giving you a shoulder to cry on. It seems like she/he understands and knows exactly what you need.

But there are many issues that creep in - the baggage from your past relationship, lingering doubts over whether you're really over it or just distracting yourself from it with another one, and the longevity of a relationship forged almost purely out of sympathy. Is it a good idea to get involved with the person who's been helping you with the break up?

"Maybe," says Angela Dickens, 24. "But only if you know he's really interested. You need to be careful. There are bound to be comparisons between him and your ex, and it's not fair to do that to the guy. You'll eventually realise that this is not what you're looking for. You might need more time to get over the guy you've just broken up with." Software Engineeer Steve Dimeck is of the same school of thought. "You're in a fragile state when you've just broken up with." You feel like that person understands you, but it's just a shoulder to cry on. What you'd be doing if you got involved is using that person - mistaking sympathy for understanding."

But Angela also has another take on the issue. "When guys see you vulnerable, they're apt to try and take advantage of you,' she says. International sales consultant Henry Adams, 27, puts it a little more bluntly. "I try to protect female friends nursing a break up from both other guys and myself. Girls are very vulnerable at that point of time, and guys just try to get some sympathy sex," he says.

But why is it that girls find themselves in this situation more often, getting attracted to sympathetic guys after a break up? "Look, guys do get over it more quickly. I've seen female friends take it much harder, nursing it for months afterwards," says Henry.

And there are things you can do to guard against it. "Go away from the scene of the breakup," says Stephanie. "Travel, if possible, but don't visit the same places. Stay away from your common circle of friends for a while, and most importantly, mingle with more than one person. Try to make sure you make friends with both guys and girls."