Vague emoticons in e-mails ruin relationships

It looks so innocuous. A harmless little "x", nestling at the end of an e-mail. But senders beware: while the electronic equivalent of a kiss may be innocently meant, to the recipient it could be perceived as x-rated.

According to a report, we are hopeless at interpreting e-mails - and it's having an effect on our relationships. The biggest study of its kind, to be published in the Academy Of Management Review later this month, says that of the 100 billion e-mails sent every day, millions may be misinterpreted due to their lack of facial cues, body language and emotional feedback, prompting arguments, misunderstandings and confusion.

Kristin Byron of Syracuse University in New York, who led the study, says: "People make the assumption e-mails are very clear, but that is not the case. There are a lot of misunderstandings." While you may think sending kisses to a friend's partner at the end of a chat is affectionate, or making a mildly suggestive remark to a colleague is acceptable, to the person on the receiving end it can be confusing or offensive.

"The problem with any sort of sexual comment or advance on e-mail is that it can sound far too aggressive," says Paddy O'Donnell, head of department of psychology at the University of Glasgow. "There can be a degree of ambiguity in an e-mail that you wouldn't get communicating face to face." Part of the problem appears to be that while we can easily communicate our emotions in person using tone of voice, facial expressions and so on, when it comes to e-mail that can be incredibly hard to do. Even emoticons, or smileys symbols expressing emotion created to help eradicate the problem - come in for criticism. Byron says: "These are ambiguous in e-mail communication and may be misinterpreted."

Says O'Donnell: "Humans evolved to communicate face to face. If you take all those elements of communication away and leave what is essentially an internal monologue, which they will interpret in their own voice, then it's unsurprising that what might make sense to the person writing the e-mail is gobbledegook to those who receive it."

Simon Fanshawe, manners expert and author of The Done Thing, believeS e-mails have become too informal. "Grammar and spelling go out the window. People are rude over e-mail." But before you begin starting e-mails to your father-in-law with the words "Dear sir", it's worth remembering that misinterpreting signals is hardly a new phenomenon. Ever since Jane Austen's Emma tried to set her friend Harriet up with an unobliging Mr Elton, reading the wrong signals - particularly in sexual situations - has been common.

Known by psychologists as egocentrism, it puts forward the theory that some people have difficulty in detaching themselves from their own perspective, and therefore understanding other points of view.