Trust and SEX

This is not about horror stories of going to bed with a guy one night and waking up to find out he was a secret agent or an alien. One night stands and casual sex are more common in the west. But in countries like India, many people still have an underlying cultural need to trust the person they're having sex with to 'mean it' emotionally, whether it's a spouse or just a casual, temporary partner.

Trust issues are important for healthy and satisfying sex, for lasting relationships, and also for sexual health. It's not exactly stimulating, but as sexual independence grows among the youth, safe sex and trust are issues that are increasingly being talked about together.

Trust grows when both people keep their promises and stay true to their commitments. And it doesn't happen telepathically. You need to sit down and discuss these things before you decide to go ahead with it. In fact, you can draw up a set of ground rules you both promise to stick to, rather like a 'contract'.

Freedom to say 'no'

It's important for both partners to recognise that they have the freedom to say 'no' whenever they want. And this is not just for women, but also for men - women need to understand that for them, saying no is a security issue, but for men, it's a comfort issue. He needs to be able to depend on you not to think less of him if doesn't want it because he's to tired or not in the mood.

Too experimental?

Both partners also need to understand that the other might not be equally open to trying out new things. While it's fun and healthy to gently coax your partner into being innovative and daring, you should do so only if your partner is completely comfortable and ok with the idea. At no point must any of you try to force or blackmail your partner into doing something they don't want to.

Healthy and wise

To repeat, sexual health is not conducive to arousal, but it is important for trust. Both of you must agree to take the measures necessary to ensure safe sex, and to never try to talk or force the other person out of it. This also includes seeing other people - if you do so, your partner must know, for reasons, that are both emotional and physical. Unless there is a mutual agreement that you can see other people, it's not worth putting a partner you love at risk.