7 Things He Won't Appreciate

To love him is to understand him. Psychologists say that you must do that by avoiding some problem areas...

The quality of your life depends on the quality of the relationships you have with other people. We're all wired differently. We have unique and distinct personalities, with different likes and dislikes. And so, it's very normal and natural for your likes and dislikes to sometimes not match his likes and dislikes. Be sensitive about his feelings by keeping the following points in mind...

Avoid being overly judgmental:

Not judging your partner means allowing him the freedom of expression to speak his mind, and simply being willing to hear it. This does not mean that you don't have an opinion or that you can't offer it at some point. In order for him open up to you, he has to feel truly accepted for who he is. Be patient with him.

Avoid being aggressive:

Learn to manage your anger. If you have a complaint, only raise it when you are not feeling angry about it. As best you can, speak with loving words and keep it short and to the point. Don't lecture. Keep your examples current. Avoid using past hurts to illustrate current gripes. It only opens up old wounds and causes your man to feel that they are still paying for past mistakes. Avoid making harsh statements such as, 'You're just like your mother /father!' This will only push your guy's anger buttons which might escalate the disagreement.

Stop criticising:

It is not impressive to a man if you criticise other women in his presence. This just makes him think you are trying to cover up your own problems and doubts. People who criticise mostly have low self-esteem problem.

Avoid smothering him:

Learn to give your guy some space. This will give him an opportunity to relax and turn matters over in his mind. From time to time, let him go out and have fun with his friends.

Avoid immature reactions:

Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean being stoic about your emotions. Rather, it means you have the ability to handle emotions responsibly. To build a long-term relationship, learn to take responsibility for your emotional expression and experience. Set aside time to discuss unresolved issues: 'I'm feeling uncomfortable about... and would like to talk about it. What time is agreeable to you?' Pouting, sulking, and the 'silent treatment' don't make matters any better.

Avoid asking too many questions:

Don't incite your guy by asking questions that are difficult to answer. You may force him to conceal the truth by asking him questions ('Do I look fat in this?' "I noticed the way you were looking at her...') that seem oh-so-harmless at first but can actually lead to an argument.

Don't mask your true self:

When you lie to your guy so that you can avoid having to make changes to your life, you are being unfair to them, because you are deceiving them, making them think you're someone you're not. No matter how hard you try, your true colours will eventually come forth.

Don't harp about your ex:

Hauling around old baggage into a new relationship amounts to clutter in your mind. And it will certainly rub him the wrong way, to put it mildly. If you have baggage, then best to work it out in individual therapy before pursuing a new relationship, at least to a point where it isn't affecting your reactions and clouding your judgment.

Avoid obsessing over details:

This one is common with those who worry. The worry may be a general habit, but now it is turned on to your guy. Being anxious is a mood killer, and will not make you attractive to a potential mate. But don't go worrying about that! Try to tap into your self-confidence and have trust that the relationship is meant to work out.

Avoid trying to control him by withdrawing sex:

One of the unhealthiest things you can do in a relationship is to use sex as a weapon. It might even extend to simply saying you don't feel 'in the mood' at that particular moment. Rather than trying to exert some influence over your man by denying him his sexual intimacy, try communicating directly about what you want and don't want.

FEW COMMON COMPLAINT AREAS

- Complaining about the current state of the relationship ·
- Talking about the things he does wrong with you
- Showing your frustrations about what you feel is missing
- Becoming upset that he doesn't feel how you'd like him to feel
- Bringing up past Issues, arguments or disappointments

About the Author

Bob Grant, L.P.C. is widely recognized as a leading expert on relationships. As a professional Coach for over 14 years, he has helped hundreds of clients in goal achievement. In addition to his hit book, "The Woman Men Adore… And Never Want To Leave." Bob has also been a frequent quest on the radio program, "Marriage and Family Today," in Atlanta, Ga. www.relationshipheadquarters.com

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