Are You A Relationship Addict?

Some people feel completely at sea when they're not in a relationship. Here's how to deal with the problem...

Relationship addiction is often perceived to be less serious than other process addictions like sexual addictions, eating disorders etc. However, in reality, it is extremely painful and can be very dangerous to both, the addict as well as their partners.

Many suicides, murders, stalkings, rapes and other crimes of passion have their roots in this addiction. Our culture has traditionally glorified love addiction with the notion that we 'fall in love and live happily ever after'. This ignores the groundwork that relationship require. Most of the love relationships depicted in the media and on television are actually addicted relationships. Few symptoms that are normally seen when a person suffers from this are as follows:

Low self-worth

This usually manifests in being oversensitive to criticism, being unable to accept compliments, being constantly plagued by a sense of worthlessness or being unlovable, feeling lonely even when surrounded by others, feeling empty inside and not asking other people to help fulfill your needs. Relationship addicts often accept sex when what they are looking for is love.

Denial of Feelings

Women who are relationship addict often have a feeling of being a bottomless pit of misery, from which they want to escape by burying themselves in someone else's chaotic life. Their own feelings, needs and desires become completely sublimated by their desire for someone else's well being. They do not know what they want, but have an uncanny knack of sensing their partner's needs.

Pleasing others, a selfish act

Relationship addicts buy acceptance by doing things for other people they should be doing for themselves. They compromise on their values to avoid rejection or some one else's anger or displeasure and constantly put other people's needs before their own. Help is the sunny side of control. The pay-off is as follows - 'I help you to make your life better; and then you must love me'. Unfortunately most people resent interferrence, so the helper is experienced as interfering and controlling.

Is recovery possible?

The following promises spell out the road to rediscovery of a sense of self and the letting go of fear.

1) I know a new sense of belonging. The feeling of emptiness and loneliness will disappear.

2) I am no longer controlled by my fears. I overcome my fears and act with courage, integrity and dignity.

3) I release myself from worry, guilt and regret about my past and present. I am aware enough not to repeat it.

4) I know a new love and acceptance of myself and others. I feel genuinely lovable, loving and loved.

5) I am capable of developing and maintaining healthy and loving relationships.

6) I no longer need to rely solely on others to provide my sense of self-worth.

See the signs?

1) You minimise or deny how you feel.

2) You have others' approval of your thinking, feelings and behaviour over your own and want them to tell you what's right.

3) Your mental attention is focused on others, protecting them and manipulating them to do it your way.

4) Your self-esteem is bolstered by solving others problems.

5) You are more aware of how others feel than of your own feelings.

6) Your fear of rejection determines what you say or do.

7) Being needed makes you feel worthy.

$comment - $name - $date