Are You Being Emotionally Abused? Abusive Relationship Survival Guide

Most of us dream of being in a happy, committed relationship and, as we grow older, we realise that fantasies of the happy-ever-after life are indeed mere fantasies. We come to understand that any successful long-term relationship involves compromises and a certain level of give and take. However, many confuse compromise with control, as one partner tries to exert his or her influence over the other.

The influence is likely to be subtle at first, so many partners fail to pick up on what's really going on. They are likely to assume that a partner's occasional criticism of friends or family or a sporadic flash of jealousy is just the usual stuff that happens in a relationship.

Defining Emotional Abuse

Abuse doesn't have to be physical. If you alter your behaviour because you are frightened of how your partner will react, you are being abused. If you're in a relationship in which your self-esteem and your ability to be your own person is being eroded, then there's a good chance that you're suffering from emotional abuse.

Recognising the Symptoms of Emotional Abuse

Signs of Emotional Abuse

• Emotional abuse is always subtle



• Sarcasm, discounting your opinions, interests and beliefs, even withholding conversation completely by refusing to answer questions - are forms of emotional abuse



• Emotional abusers isolate their partner so that the person reliant on them



• This might mean discouraging friends and family from visiting, making them uncomfortable when they do by being moody



• As the abuse increases, so will the isolation - you might find yourself unable to do anything without your partner's prior consent; you will become confused by their mood swings and end up changing your behaviour to appease them



• You will come to feel dominated and fearful about your own opinions and about behaviours other people might more readily judge as acceptable



• Living under this law of diminishing emotional returns makes the victim more and more reliant upon their partner. The abuse becomes normalised, assimilated into the fabric of the relationship, and with no one to reach out to, on the few occasions when they do.

Emotional Abuse Recovery - Recovering from Emotional Abuse

Here are some tips on how you can deal with the emotional abuse and the abuser:

1. Be emotionally and financially independent of the emotional abuser



2. Refuse to accept abusive behaviour. Demand reasonably predictable and rational actions and reactions. Insist on respect for your boundaries, preferences and priorities



3. Be confident and look bullies in the eye. Speak in a calm and clear voice, and name the behaviour you don't like, say what is expected instead.



4. Keep in mind that the bully's aggression comes from an incapability, such as insecurity, anxiety or depression. This may help you become less personally affected



5. Protect your self-esteem. If you are dealing with someone who tries to portray you as the source of everything sinister, you need to take active steps to maintain a positive self-image



6. Maintain your cool. When the abuser becomes hysterical (a common trait), immediately 'turn off', and stop taking what they say seriously



7. Emotional abusers are insidious and manipulative. They are often highly intelligent, but unable to use their intelligence in a constructive way. Talking to a psychiatrist will help



8. Typically abuse, once begun, only escalates. Unless the abuser accepts responsibility for the behaviour and seeks professional help - it is quite likely the abuse will continue and worsen



9. Abusers will never be satisfied, no matter what you do. Don't question your self-worth



10. If you feel, that the person is not taking any heed to repair him/herself, terminate the relationship as soon as possible.

Recommended Reading

The Emotionally Abusive Relationship:
How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing

The number of people who become involved with partners who abuse them emotionally and/or who are emotionally abusive themselves is phenomenal, and yet emotional abuse is the least understood form of abuse. In this breakthrough book, Beverly Engel, one of the world’s leading experts on the subject, shows us what it is and what to do about it.

Whether you suspect you are being emotionally abused, fear that you might be emotionally abusing your partner, or think that both you and your partner are emotionally abusing each other, this book is for you. The Emotionally Abusive Relationship will tell you how to identify emotional abuse and how to find the roots of your behavior. Combining dramatic personal stories with action steps to heal, Engel provides prescriptive strategies that will allow you and your partner to work together to stop bringing out the worst in each other and stop the abuse.

By teaching those who are being emotionally abused how to help themselves and those who are being emotionally abusive how to stop abusing, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship offers the expert guidance and support you need.

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