Does he really need to know about your exes?

Does Your Man Ask you about your Exes?

Suppose you are in bed with a new man. After you have done what you both wanted, you start to think that he is the one for you. Just when everything seems rosy, he asks: “How many men have touched you?” You feel confused and may well end up spoiling the relationship with your lies.

Most women find it hard to confess to a man. It happens more at the start of a relationship when you are not aware of how the other person will react and end up assuming things. Men have fragile egos and that’s the reason they want to be rated as lovers. Also, some men prefer being told good things rather than honest answers about their overall skills as lovers.

Bigger the list of your ex-lovers; higher would be his insecurity. Competition is a natural instinct for them and hence they ask such questions. In addition, some men may try hard not to sound chauvinists, but actually they act like moral police who like to judge women’s character. Most societies still think that women having more than one lover (not at the same time, off course), goes against their character. This is despite modernity making practical things more popular.

Hence, if you have a longer list, your man may feel offended with a level of competition. He may even feel that you might leave him as well in the end. Insecurity leads to anger and then to blaming and fights.

Women may feel the same because they don’t want their partners to compare. Women comparatively think more if the situation is reversed with thoughts of his ex seducing him more common. Still, we women don’t label our men as cheap just because he has had 2 partners earlier. What worries most women is a situation where their present flame has never had any lovers. Men are different, they are more critical.

Now coming to answers to the question.

• You need to differentiate between his insecurities (over your list) and morality. Handling insecurity is easier than handling questions about moral values.
• Don’t interrupt or postpone these dialogues. You may be able to change the topic but this may make him feel uncomfortable. He may assume something else and even label you an easy target.
• Telling the truth actually makes things easy. If the question is asked too soon, then you can try diverting the conversation. But make sure you talk about it if you are deep into the relationship or else it would be difficult if he suddenly knows about your ex-lovers; say some months down the line.
• Don’t overestimate your abilities for keeping secrets. If you have decided to hide some parts, make sure you repeat the same story thereafter.
• Make him feel comfortable. Make him feel that he is your choice and your former partners are history now.
• Mistakes do happen, so be firm to walk away if needed. If he severely objects your list of former lovers, then he may not be the one for you. Trust comes with time but if he has doubts at the onset of the relationship, it’s better to find someone who loves with all your rights and wrongs.
• The golden rule is to never compare him to your ex lovers, sexually, emotionally or financially. Do it only if he scores over your former partners.
• If you really feel he is the one, tell him this. Tell him over and over again as men like to hear these things.

All in all, take pride in what you have done earlier. Your past has made your present and he has fallen for you and not for your past. If you feel bad about your earlier relationships, your man might get the hint which is a major turn off.

Recommended Reading: - Men Made Easy by Kara Oh

Men are complicated at times but act even more complicated if they are curious. Men are unpredictable to the core. They may want to know anything and everything. Kara Oh’s book would help you understand men and the logic behind the questions they ask.

Click here for more details.

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