What are Fantasies? How Do They Arise?

Most people have sexual fantasies that serve a variety of functions and result in a wide range of responses within the individual. Some are pleasant or stimulating; others are confusing, embarassing or even shocking. During adolescence (age 10-18 years), boys and girls become sexually mature and start developing 'secondary sexual characterstics'. During this phase of life, besides physical growing to become adults, a lot of psychological and emotional changes happen rather rapidly. Strong sexual feelings and thoughts start crossing the psyche rather erratically. Unusual and unexpected sexual dreams, strong physical attraction for the opposite sex, overwhelming urges to associate, relate, connect and impress the opposite also happen.

Sexual fantasies occur in an astonishingly wide variety of circumstances and settings. Sometimes, these imaginative interludes are intentionally called forth to enliven a boring experience, to pass the time or to provide a sense of excitement. At other times, sexual fantasies float into awareness in a seemingly random fashion, perhaps triggered by feelings and thoughts of which we have little or no awareness. The desire to know about something not yet experienced, forbidden or seemingly unattainable is often a key feature of sexual fantasies. Although it is only a make-believe excursion of the mind, fantasies do help young adults find temporary relief, excitement, adventure, self-confidence and pleasure.

Though fantasy, the real, unfavourable world can be transformed into whatever he or she likes, no matter how brief or improbable it might be. In this sense, in the growing years of early adulthood, it is a useful mechanism. However with every pleasure comes the very real possibility of a person getting obsessed with or addicted to, and losing conscious control over the phenomenon. The same device that was so useful when single can become an impediment and an obstacle once he or she is in a committed relationship.

Can Fantasies be Harmful?

Not all sexual fantasies are willfully conjured up or pleasurable. Some fantasies recur over and over again despite being unwanted; other fantasies flood into the individual's awareness in a frightening fashion, producing inner turmoil or conflict and feelings of guilt and shame.

Fantasies of this sort may either result in sexual arousal or may be so distressing that sexual feelings may shut off. Young married women often indulge into a fantasy of being raped by someone. They are shocked and wonder whether it is normal to have such a fantasy. At some point of time, some women do carry the fantasy of being taken sexually or being swept off their feet. These fantasies are common though not universal. This idea is played up a lot by some western fiction, pornographic literature and even the mass media. It is important to note that there is a great difference between a self-projected fantasy and an actual rape.

Fantasies are our own creation, and thus we have control over them. They can be a great 'turn on', but are not the reality. In reality, rape is a violent act, forced and unwarned, over which a victim has no control at all. There are situations in which preferential fantasies may become troublesome.

For some people, the repeated and exclusive use of such a fantasy may lead to a situation in which the fantasy becomes mandatory for sexual arousal. The person no longer responds sexually to one's partner since sexual arousal depends on fantasy alone. Sometimes, preferential fantasies can become obsessions that may interfere with behaviour or the thinking-feeling process. Generally, imagination, creativity and playfulness are part of the act of fantasising. However if a fantasy becomes the controlling force in a person's life, the play element may get completely lost.

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