Honey, don't ask me that

Good communication is the cornerstone of any relationship, but some questions are best left unasked...

When it comes to relationships, most women want to know everything that a man is thinking. His secrets are often considered little enemies, capable of tearing the relationship apart. But nothing could be farther from the truth. In fact, its absolutely necessary for each partner to have his or her own personal world - thoughts, feelings and boundaries that belong to him or her and no one else. So what's a well-intentioned woman to do? Start by avoiding the following questions:

Are you attracted to other women?

Don't pry into this. Some women keep asking their man whether or not he is attracted to other women. A man who doesn't look at anyone or feel anything for other women is either very old, very tired or simply lying. There is nothing wrong with a man who looks at and admires other women, as long as he does it discreetly, doesn't make a show of it in front of other people and doesn't use it to make you insecure or competitive with other women.

What happened in your past relationships?

Some women become obsessed with finding out everything about their man's past. They need to know if they measure up to ex-girlfriends or wives, if he's as happy with them as he was before and if he's really over a past heartbreak. There's no need to probe any of these issues. Let him feel good about how he is with you and not dragged through memories of what he did (or didn't do) with other partners. If you let the past be the past, that is where it will stay.

Where do you think our relationship is going?

Many women just can't wait to get around to the 'relationship discussion'. They want to know how their man is feeling about the relationship in general, so they sit him down to get the details. The problem is that this discussion makes men feel pressured - and restless. The question is pretty vague, and he may not understand you're actually asking him.

What are you thinking?

Don't probe his secret fantasies unless he wishes to discuss them with you. If he doesn't bring it up, chances are that asking him about will make him feel criticised, guilty and perhaps restricted. On the other hand, if he does wish to share his fantasies, this can be trick too. Make sure you can tolerate hearing about what's going on in your man's mind, and remember not to assume he doesn't care about you.

Do you enjoy being with your friends more than me?

Many women become possessive of their man's attention and resentful of time spent away from them. This is particularly true for nights out with the guys. Women want to be included in every activity as proof of their partner's love for them. The fact is your man needs time for male bonding, no matter how much he cares for you. Truly loving him means allowing him to be all of who he is and realising that no matter how much he loves you, he also need others in his life. The more fulfiled he is, the more he can give to you.

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